Ask Monsieur Anton Papierwaite.


I am Monsieur Anton Papierwaite, curator of the Museum of Mostly Natural History. I felt that perhaps my knowledge of things of the supernatural and occult may be of use and felt this, er, place would be a way to offer my services.

More he is a very lonely man and hoped that he would be able to actually meet others of the human variety without having to actually face them.

I told you to please leave my scrolls in peace!


Whatever. That is Dr. Norrington. He will likely invade replies, my apologies. You may just ignore him.

So please, ask whatever you wish!
Asker donutbutton Asks:
are you at all ticklish?
askmonsieurpapierwaite askmonsieurpapierwaite Said:

Well… I, erkj nwelknqpmtq20924098u9Pmlv

I decided to test it, and it appears he is, very much so.

That is not fair skrjegnolmeqftoqi3jtr928ofiMLdkmhdlemn

Asker Anonymous Asks:
W)(ale, I've been through a S)(--ELL of a lot lately. Mom died, then I DI--ED, but everyt)(ing's CLAM---ED down now. But -ENOUGH about M-E, )(ow are you? Looks like t)(e M-ET-EORS didn't )(it you guys, so t)(at's good!
askmonsieurpapierwaite askmonsieurpapierwaite Said:

Oh my dear… I’m terribly sorry to hear about your mother. And about you, are you quite certain you’re alright? Is there anything I can do to assist you? And no, we have no had any meteors…

Meteors?! What meteors, where?!

Keep your fez on, it apparently already happened and it did not happen here, so I’d say we’re okay.

That does not mean it could not happen! What if it does?!

Panicking isn’t going to help if it does, will it? Anyway, this is not the point, the point is her well-being, so kindly bugger off.

Doctor, I know you often berate Anton for his taste in romantic movies... so what sort of films do you like?
askmonsieurpapierwaite askmonsieurpapierwaite Said:

I don’t mean to come across as disliking romantic movies entirely, they can be quite good. However, the ones Papierwaite picks for the most part are horrid things. Anyway, I enjoy British film quite a lot, they are quite well made. I also enjoy crime dramas, ‘mobster’ oriented ones in particular I suppose. They’re interesting, if done right.

I do not see why my tastes are bad, and yours are good!

Because you like bloody rubbish like ‘The Bounty Hunter’.

Asker donutbutton Asks:
asdfgh. Ok, I honestly didn't mean to hit send on that one
askmonsieurpapierwaite askmonsieurpapierwaite Said:

Oh… you did not?

Love is a cruel and fickle thing, but it’s bloody amusing when it’s mussing you around.

I’m glad somebody is enjoying things.

Asker donutbutton Asks:
askmonsieurpapierwaite askmonsieurpapierwaite Said:

I… er… ah… ldkfrhopm;l;ld;

I’m afraid he’s going to be rather incoherent from being flustered for a while. 


Oh quit trying, you’re just going to look even more ridiculous than usual.

You may be interested to know I have in fact recently spoken with your "future doppelganger", Papierwaite. Congratulations, you apparently survive long after the eventual separation between you and your Master... and into the post-apocalypse, no less. Unfortunately, you appear to be just as much of a sniveling irritant then as you are now.
askmonsieurpapierwaite askmonsieurpapierwaite Said:

Oh not these shenanigans again, and with you in on them no less! Was it you before as an ‘anon’, as they say, in my box pretending to be my future self?! I would not put it past you! It is all ridiculous, and I do not see the humor of it one bit! 

I see the humor of calling you a ‘sniveling irritant’.

Thank you for that clarification, master.

Asker donutbutton Asks:
Oh, now that you mention it, a lot of those “either__ or__” questions are a tad vague. However I honestly interpreted the hugs or kisses one to be in regards to in a relationship, but then again that’s just how I read it
askmonsieurpapierwaite askmonsieurpapierwaite Said:

Ah… well, erm, in that case I… suppose I would have to say I rather enjoy embraces. Not that there is anything wrong with the other thing, but it… just feels more personal to simply be close I suppose.

You just are worried about being a horrid kisser, aren’t you?

dklrngkwmlwpoi43 nO

Not at all, obviously.

Asker donutbutton Asks:
Well I think Sphynx cats are adorable. I don't get why they get such a bad reputation, they're like any other cat, they just look a little... different
askmonsieurpapierwaite askmonsieurpapierwaite Said:

Precisely! They are just unique… special!

Oh they’re special alright, especially unnerving. 

You are one to talk! Anyway, I am certainly pleased that you… feel the same and find them endearing…

And now he goes off in his head to daydream about a little family with one as a pet thanks to this.

I am not!

Well I imagine being in the water very little does not help dear Norrington's stress... you weren't aware the seas are where the Elder Gods are most calm? That's surprising... though I'm not sure if simply dousing him when he's aggravated would be effective, but it seems like it might be worth a try!
askmonsieurpapierwaite askmonsieurpapierwaite Said:

Well— er… I was aware that they enjoy the sea, yes, he does seem to like it a great deal but I suppose I had not thought about it in such a way.

You’ve known me all these years, she but a small while compared to that, and yet she seems to understand me better than you ever will.

I am sorry not everything revolves around you in my life!

When the Doctor gets especially irritable, which appears to be quite often, have you ever tried, say... pouring a bucket of water onto him, Anton? I wonder if something like that would be rather effective in calming him down!
askmonsieurpapierwaite askmonsieurpapierwaite Said:

Hm… no I have not. But how do you even know this? Would it work? 

I wouldn’t be irritable to begin with if not for you, Papierwaite.

I have not done anything!

So you think.